Happy thought for a Wednesday.

Cheer up, the week's almost over

I read a book once.

It inspired this post. I don't remember what it was called, or even if it was very good. All I remember was the protagonist was given a school assignment to write on these three things.
And I was inspired.

Also, I added a third.

These I have loved...
oceans, beaches and sand
ham sandwiches and bacon and egg pies
early foggy mornings
dampness and humidity
the sound of snow beneath my skis
the silence of the trees
the rush of a blizzard
power outages
school bells
libraries
starry nights
theater days
airports and passport stamps
sweaty hikes and treacherous trails
conversations with random strangers
long talks with old friends

These I love...
a space all to myself
being invisible
being noticed
asked for advice
receiving good advice
long walks around the temple
secrets
quiet time
bed time
morning time
being on time
tidy spaces
getting lost
getting found
pipi
institute
music
technology
being loved

I am... 
Brittney Luana Ngawati Clarke
New Zealander
and Canadian
a student
a biological sciences major
a roommate
5'9
brown haired, green eyed
a piano player
an ex-flutist
an aspiring guitarist
occasionally a singer
sometimes a bio nerd
often a procrastinator
a daughter
granddaughter
sister
cousin
niece
a friend
a daughter of God


I will be...
a wife
a mother
and anything else I want to be.
but most of all, I will be happy.

awe look at me keeping my promises.

Yes. Here I am. I'm back, just like I said I would be. You want an update? Okay well just a quick one...
Summer is gone. Just like that. I spent the majority of it at work. (not even kidding, I just did the math and assuming I slept 7 hours a day (haha thats a pretty big assumption) I literally spent more than half of the rest of my time at work). But I made good use of the time I wasn't working so it was a good summer. Actually, it was the best one so far (funny, but I think I remember saying that about last summer). I didn't accomplish any of the hiking on my to-do list, but that's okay. I had some fantastic times, and built friendships that will last forever.
Aaaaand now I've moved up to Calgary. Yup, small town Brittney in the big city. My plan is to do my bachelor of science at the U here. Please, don't ask me what I'm doing after that. So far I have managed to get lost often. I am managing the driving and traffic okay though, which was one of my bigger worries. I have met several people who's names I immediately forgot and have decided that my roommates are thankfully normal.
Yesterday was a defeating day. After wandering around campus most of the day, by myself, completely lost, not accomplishing anything that I needed to do, I was ready to give up. I was ready to call it quits and crawl back in my hole. But this morning I decided that I was made of stronger stuff than that. I decided, upon waking, that today was going to be a great day, and that I needed to do everything possible to take advantage of it's greatness. I was in a good mood, from the very beginning. Nothing could get me down. And it was a great day. I didn't get (that) lost. I talked to people, took a chance, possibly made a fool of myself, made some mistakes, and also made some really good choices. As a result, I am more oriented with the campus (I will probably still get lost many more times though), I met some people, I got help where I needed it, figured out where I'm going and what I'm doing, and got answers to all my questions. But most of all, I figured out one important thing...
I can do this. So here I go. Just watch me.

forgive me

Dear blog.
I'm sorry. I have not forgotten you. I am simply to busy living life to stop and write about it, although I dearly wish I could because I have so many thoughts flying around my head. I will have you know that life is good. Life is grand. Life is fantastic and beautiful and incredible and frightfully intimidating and terrifying and fast-paced and way to short. But soon my life will be changing again. Way to soon. Stay tuned because when that happens I will perhaps have time to write more often. I miss you. I'll be back soon, I promise. Till then, wish me luck.
Love Brittney

Stapler

A few days ago I bought a new stapler and whiteboard markers. For work. I was really, really, freakishly excited about that. And it was then that I realized how sad my life was. When toonie tuesday and the purolator guy coming are the highlights of your week, you know you're spending to much time at work. But that's okay, I'm cool with that. Infact, that's just how I like it. I could work less hours if I really wanted to, but then what would I do with all my spare time? Besides, who needs sleep anyways?
But really, I'm happy. I mean, why wouldn't I be?? Life is just plain great.
PLUS I have the house to myself again. Yup, just me and the fish in that big ol' house. Is it weird that I treasure that time I have to myself? I love coming home and being able to do whatever I want, no matter what time it is.
AND I did something that I have been wanting to do for a while now. More on that later :)
But all in all, life is good. For right here, for right now, this is what I got. And I love it.

I have been itching to blog for a while now, but have been forcing myself to resist that temptation.

Why, you ask?

Why is blogging a temptation that must be resisted?

Well it is when you have this many thoughts running around in your head.
I figured if I blogged it would all just come out and end up sounding like a novel written by someone who should be locked up in an institution.

aka. me. I am a crazy person. I should be locked up.

But enough about that.

I am limiting myself to 3 things today. In this way I try to avoid crazy ramblings.



1. I am so so so freaking grateful for the amazing friends I have. They are so awesome to me, especially when I am a moody jerk to them and they still love me and try to make me happy.

2. I have the house to myself. It's fantastic.

3. I have made a pledge. I promise to be nicer to everyone. The strangers I will never see again, those people that I know but not really, and my friends and family that are so dear to me. I promise not to put you down. To not make rude, sarcastic remarks. To be positive and uplifting all the time. Or at least I will try my hardest. I will probably slip up. When I do, please be patient with me. I am trying. maybe you could even remind me of my promise? Perhaps more on this  and what brought it about in a later post. When I am not so crazy.

Anyways, I got to get back to my padded cell now.

Wait, one more thing..

A little something from Lenka

Better than what I was going to post..

Yeah, I'm doing this. A little bit of blogsperation (blog+inspiration) here. Thanks Jane and Chanel.

 

 

Promise not to lie or erase any of these questions?

Will try my best

If you married the last person that texted you, what would your name be?

Low. haha but that is very unlikely

Do you know anyone named matt ?

yes

What smiley face do you use often?

:)

Honestly, have you ever ate raw cookie dough?

koquito? My fav

Who were you with friday night?

friday...ummm, friday... myself. I know pretty sad

What is bothering you?

Something that really shouldn't be

Whats your favorite kind of ice cream?

depends what I'm craving. Right now? Something with chocolate and caramel

Would you ever get a tattoo?

nope

Is there a difference between "best" friend and friend?

absolutely. a best friend is who you go to first

Do you take walks often?

not as often as I wish

Fluent in?

english

Are any of your friends taller than you?

Some

Do you crack your knuckles?

very seldom

Spell your name with out an L:

Brittney. Wow that was epic

 

Do you like hugs?

Very much so

Who was your last one from?

Grammy

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

uhh yup

What are you listening to right now?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XdJVWSqb4Ck&feature=related

Have a listen, it's great

Who was the last person you talked to on the phone?

Some random golfer wanting a tee-time.

Did you copy and paste this survey?

well I didn't write it all out..

How do most people spell your name?

Brittany

Ever been to Georgia (the state)?

Yes, it's a great place

Does anyone know your password besides you?

Nope.

Have you ever dated a football player?

Nope

Last person to make you smile?

Oh gee, I smile often, and at everyone

Feel like talking to someone you haven't in a while?

Yes please.

Expecting something to change in a month?

Expecting it? No, but it will probably happen anyways.

Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

Yes. A golf glove. (yeah, I'm at work right now..)

Is there anything you should be doing right now?

haha working!

Have you ever gone out of your way to make someone happy?

yup

Do you have a reason to smile right now?

yup

Is there someone who can ALWAYS make you smile?

Yup

Excited for anything?

finishing work

 

Has someone recently told you something you didn't want to hear?

yes

Will tomorrow be a good day?

I'm planning on it

Are you sober?

yup

Are you wearing something that belongs to someone else?

uhh, I don't think these socks are mine..

Are you in a good mood right now?

could be better, but I'm alright

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

Yes. Please.

Would you rather get high or be able to fly?

fly. Then I wouldn't have to pay for gas

Do you know what you want to be when you grow up?

Everything and everything. But mostly a happy, loving mother and wife.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now?

Yes please

Do you regret anything?

I try really hard not to.

Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with?

Some random person wanting to go golfing

What were you doing at 12 am last night?

sleeping

Do you have any tattoos?

haven't we already been over this?

What's in your wallet?

Lots of change. random junk

What's on that way top shelf or in the very far back of your closet?

my skiing clothes :(

Do you sleep with anything?

500 blankets, 6 pillows and several teddy bears

Has someone ever called you beautiful?

yes

Are you wearing short shorts?

nope

Do you miss anyone?

yes

Do you like messages or comments better?

Either will do

What are you drinking?

Fuze

Love really is a beautiful thing, huh?

absolutely.

Did anything dramatic go down yesterday?

Nope. yesterday was completely uneventful

Are you afraid to stay home all alone?

No, I love it

Did you ever walk away from someone that was yelling at you?

Yes. I had too.

Do you ignore people when you're mad/upset with them?

No, I usually yell at them. Sorry

Has anyone licked you in the past week?

nope

When you say you dont care do you mean it?

I usually say what I mean

Do you plan on sleeping in tomorrow?

Nope, working.

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?

As of late? way too often

 

What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

At the gym

Who do you go to when you need to talk to someone?

Grammy

What is on your wrists right now?

Nothing

Did you sleep alone last night?

yes

Have you ever felt lonely?

yeah.

How many hours of sleep did you get last night?

8 joyous hours

Reason for the last tear shed?

You don't wanna know

So here I was, sitting at work, bemoaning the fact that my life was so boring and uninspiring and I had nothing to blog about when a couple of remarkable things happened.
1st. I found this person's blog. I met her once and was immediately impressed with her awesomeness and positive outlook on life. I spent a few minutes reading her inspiring posts and got the sense that being positive wasn't something that comes naturally, it's something she works at, all the time. Seriously inspiring. (I really hope you don't mind me linking you)
2nd. Someone brought me flowers. Yes, flowers. I was just sitting there, in the club house, feeling lame. When one of the guys who works here came in with a bunch of flowers. He had seen them while out on the course, picked them, put them in his coke bottle and then gave them to me! Seriously the greatest thing of my life. And now those flowers are sitting there, beside the till, continuing to brighten my day and hopefully everyone else's who walks in here.
And all of a sudden, it clicked. Well, several things actually.
How many times have I rushed past and not seen those wildflowers? How many things have I missed because I was so determined to hurry hurry hurry so I wouldn't miss anything?
How easy is it to give someone some flowers? Or give them a smile? Or say hello? How easy is it to brighten someone else's day? And how often do I? Will we ever realise the good we could do with just one simple act?
How fantastic is every single day? So fantastic. And yet, I am so caught up in looking ahead that I keep forgetting where I am.
So I pledge.
I promise that
Every single day I will STOP
I will do something for someone else
And I will remember why my life is great
Every.single.day.
Starting with yesterday.

Yesterday I...
Went to church.
Sang for some people (hopefully this was an improvement to their day!)
Star-gazed.
Talked to a good friend, and hopefully made her feel better.
Forgot to stop.

Today I...
Stopped. :)
Blogged.
Challenged myself, and succeeded
Went to the gym, and it felt great!

large, white envelopes

So many mission calls, so many new missonaries heading out. It's such an exciting time. And though it's not me heading out, I think I'm living vicariously through all the young men that I know. I swear I am just as excited as they are about opening that big, white envelope. One thing I have noticed is how right their call seems. Hmmmm how do I explain this...
Before they open it, it's a huge mystery. They could go anywhere. Anything is a possibility. Then, when the secret is revealed, it seems like it was always meant to be that way. It just fits so perfectly. With their personality, with their likes and dislikes, with who they are and who they will someday become. And you know they will be so great there, because that is where they belong. And you laugh that you ever considered them going anywhere else. Because where they were called is where the Lord wants them, and it's exactly where they need to be.
Oh how I admire those young men. I am so grateful to them for the incredible example of service the past, present and future missionaries are to me. And I'm not going to lie, I sorta wish I was going on a mission.

way to late to think of a title for this

"What childishness is it that while there's a breath of life
in our bodies, we are determined to rush
to see the sun the other way around?"
source

Yesterday, I didn't go to work. I didn't go anywhere. Which is unusual for me as of late.
Today, after work, I came home. And stayed there.

I'm taking a break for a bit, becoming a bit of a recluse. The only problem is I can only take so much of doing nothing. Obvious in the fact that tomorrow I am back at it again.

Tomorrow, 10+ hours at work.
The next day, 8+ hours.
And after that, a quick trip to echo. Oh joy of joys. I need water so badly, even if it is just for one day. I need to clear my head.

It's time for a post...

Soooo... I'm practically a golfer now. Practically. I'm as close to being a golfer as a non-golfer has ever been. In case your wondering how I am able to claim this title, I am working at the Lee Creek Golf Course for my second season. I think it's been about 5 years since I picked up a club with the intent to swing at a ball, so don't ask me how I lucked out with this job. And inspite of my lack of hands on experience, I am getting pretty good at all this golf lingo. Shotgun, scramble, eagle, birdie, boogie, KP, the best kind of balls and club, what makes a 'slow green' or a 'fast green', I can organise tournaments and finally understand what a handicap is. Plus I'm pretty good at driving those golf carts. And even though I don't consider myself to be a golfer and most likely never will be, I find myself being sucked into this place. I want this place to do good, so succeed. I like nothing more than to see the parking lot full and every tee time booked. Why else would I agree to working 10 hours today and probably more than that tomorrow?
One of these days I'm going to go golfing for real. But first I think I might sneak onto the range when no one else is there. The only problem is, when I do get time off, the very last place I want to be is at work. Right? I think you know what I mean. But that's alight, cause I'm determined, It will happen this year. Then I won't be such a hypocrite.
Sorry this is a useless post. I am trying to stick to my summer's resolution of blogging consistently and this is whats on my mind right now. I will try not to bore you with any more posts about work.
And now, I've got to get back to work, there's about 500 carts out there waiting to be parked.
Oh joy, I love tournament weekends.

This summer...

This summer is going to be a tough one, but that's okay, I like a challenge.
And to help me embrace every day and the challenges it brings, I present to you..... My Lists!!


To Do...
Finish the Book of Mormon
Find a new constellation
Institute, often
Make weekly temple attendance a priority
Find somewhere to live in the fall
Learn to golf
Hike Waterton (as soon as the snow goes away!)
Early to bed, early to rise
Blog more consistently


To Be...
More positive
Count my blessings and be happy with what I have been given
Less bossy
Kinder
See the beauty in every single day
On Time
Healthier
More fit

Just do the dishes

First off. What was the thing I was most worried about with returning home? Fitting back in. Returning back to my old life, meshing my new self with my old surroundings. How would people treat me. Would I get along with my family? Would I drive my parents crazy? Would they drive me crazy? Looking back, I realize how foolish all that worry was.
I should have known.
I should have realized that my family is my family, no matter what. Home will always be home. No matter where I go. My parents are my wonderful, loving, faithful parents and boy are they ever amazing! Long story short. Coming back home is like putting back on your old favorite shoes. They fit just like you remember them. They are so comfortable and natural that pretty quickly you forget completely about them. A friend summed it up nicely when he said, "It's weird how normal this is." For a couple weeks before and the whole plane ride over I was bracing myself for my return. I was expecting it to be challenging, in the least. Possibly even awkward after being away for so long. But was the complete opposite. It was easy! In fact, too easy. And that is where my challenge came.
While I was away, I was alone. I may have been surrounded by people but when it really came down to it, all I had was myself and of course, the Lord. And it was during those months alone that I grew the strongest. When I came home, I was all of a sudden back in the setting where I could rely on people again. My parents, grandparents, friends, I was surrounded by people who loved me, cared for me and were willing to do anything for me. As wonderful as this was, I could feel myself slipping. Within the first few weeks I was beginning to rely on these people more and on myself and the Lord less. Scripture study and prayer which had become automatic, my life line, my strength were already beginning to loose importance to me. I was becoming complacent, lazy. Really, it was all too easy. Where were my challenges? The trials I had been expecting? Everything I had learned while I was away I was slowly forgetting. It's funny how much you can change, and it's funnier how in such a short time you can go right back to where you started from.
It only took a week or so till the novelty of being back wore off. Then the misery set in. Outside, I smiled. To the strangers and golfers and acquaintances I smiled and nodded and told them how wonderful NZ was and yes, how I was enjoying being home. I told them all what they were expecting to hear, but if anyone looked any deeper they would see how close I was to breaking down. I was miserable, I didn't want to be there. I missed NZ, and it killed me to think of everyone and everything I had left behind there. And even worse, knowing how unlikely it was that I would be going back.
All the assurances I had received, how Canada was really the right place for me, this was where I belonged, where my future was. I forgot about that. I completely forgot and was beginning to doubt everything that I once accepted as fact. Regret. That ugly word that I try so hard to avoid. Could it be possible it was creeping into my life?
I was loosing it, and I couldn't see anyway out.

But if you noticed, that was all written in past tense. I have been home for almost a month now. And while I am still struggling I have recently remembered something that changes everything. You might remember this post. Actually, you probably won't, that was ages ago. Infact it took me a couple minutes of digging before I could find it. There was one point on there that I have always remembered and tried to live by. If you don't feel like following the link, here's the important part...

If you ever find yourself staying at someone else's house and you don't feel completely comfortable just cause you feel awkward and are not sure what's going on- do the dishes. Seriously. Or help make dinner, or just clean something. Soon you will know how the house runs, where all the dishes go and will feel much more comfortable. And they will love you cause you are cleaning up.

While in NZ I lived by this philosophy. I especially tried to do everthing I could for those wonderful people who opened up their homes, hearts, and lives to me. But I have found that it translates into just about everything in life. Service. It is the key to it all! When life is getting tough, I guarentee someone else is having a tougher time. When you are bieng weighed down by your own problems and troubles, try helping someone else out. Instead of focusing on me, me, me look around! In your prayers remember those who need help. Pretty quick your problems will seem so much smaller, so much more managable. JUST DO THE DISHES!

I love it here, I really do. I am learning to see the beauty in this dry, flat country. I am learning to accept everyone here for who they are and love them for it. I am learning that, like many other things in this town, the challenges don't always hit you right away. It's sneakier than that. Satan comes up behind you and slowly grabs you, rather than slapping you in your face. My time in Cardston will be challenging in ways I can't predict. But in the end, I will gain so much from it. The problems are unique, but the solution is always the same. Scriptures and prayers. Hold onto that rod like your life depends on it, cause it does. Remember who you are, where you came from, and where you've been. Don't slip backwards, keep moving forward, cause there's something even greater coming up.

Days 5-11 of boring travel log. Enjoy!

Feel free to skip this post if you want. I just feel obligated to put it in here cause... it's a good idea to finish what you start right? Also, this blog is about my journey and this was definitely part of that journeying. Okay, where did we leave off... right day 5. We have a lot of catching up to do, I will try to make this as painless as possible.

Day 5 
Start off Inca trail.
Okay so a little bit of background here. I was supposed to do the inca trail with everyone but because I joined the group a little later there was some problems with paperwork and other really annoying things. Apparently it's really hard to get in to hike the inca trail. Bottom line, I wasn't able to do it. At first I was upset at this, but Daniel assured me he would take me on some awesome hikes while the group was gone. So tuesday morning the group set off for the inca trail.  And what would you know? Brad was really sick, too sick to go. So him and his Dad decided to stay. That meant more hiking buddies! The first one was one of the mountains in Ollantaytambo. The biggest one, of course. The altitude made it quite difficult, but I pushed myself to keep up. Lots of ruins to see on the way up and an awesome view from the top.
Later that day, we drove back to Cusco. I was grateful for this because there is so much to see and do in Cusco and we didn't really have enough time. So now we had another day to visit all the sites.
Day 6
Tour around Cusco. Moray, Saskawama, Urubamba Valley. Lots of cool places.
Side note* could it be that my sense of direction is finally developed? I didn't get lost once in Peru, and most of the time I was one of the only people who knew where we were or how to get back. I was quite proud of myself for that.
Day 7
Bus back to Ollantaytambo and then train on to Aguas Callientas.
I was excited for my first real train ride. For the first couple minutes at least, turns out the novelty wears off pretty quick.
Aguas Callientas (translates into Hot Water- due to the natural hot springs nearby) is a small, ugly little town squished in between some beautiful mountains. It could be a lot more beautiful than it is, especially with all the people that pour into there (it being the closest town to Macchupicchu)
Daniel, Brad, Clay and I hiked up a mountain called Putacusi. It is the neighboring mountain to macchupicchu so we had an incredible view from the top. It was also cool seeing all the foliage and jungle like growth on this mountain. Especially when contrasted to the almost desert climate at Ollantaytambo.  The coolest part though was the beginning when we had to climb up some almost sheer cliffs with nothing but a metal cable to hold onto. Basically rock climbing without any of the rock climbing equipment. Dan was worried that I would get scared and freeze up. Something to do with the 50 meter drop straight down? But I was fine. I almost think there might me something wrong with me, how is it that I was not scared at all? I guess heights is just not one of those things that do it for me.
Day 8 
Day 8 began at 2:30 am. We woke up and got inline for the busses up the mounain to Maucchupicchu. Why so early? Well besides the fact that we are all a little nuts, we wanted to climb Waynapicchu, the mountain behind Macchupicchu, and they only let 400 people/day go up there. And we wanted to be one of those first 400. It was worth it though, the view was fantastic, of course there were more ruins on the top, and the hike was definitely challenging. Especially the back half around to the place called Grand Caverna, this was optional, but of course we did it. Turned out it was an extra 2 hours of strait stairs. Stairs going down, stairs going up. Not one bit of it was flat. We were beginning to hate the Incas and their stupid little stairs.
Met up with the rest of the group on Macchupicchu. By this time we were all so tired we couldn't really appreciate it as much as it deserved.  But it was magnificent to wander around those incredible ruins for a while. We oogled at the appropriate places, took the required pictures and then headed back for some well deserved R&R.
Day 9 
Flew from Cusco to Puerto Maldonado, deep in the Amazon jungle. The weather was beautifully hot and sticky. Although I think Daniel and I were the only ones who appreciated the humidity. Once we arrived at Puerto Maldonado we bussed for about 45 minutes and then another 45 minute boat ride to the lodge. The lodge was incredible, I think this was the favorite part of my journey. No power, no water. Just generators and wells. It was sort of like 5 star camping. The rooms were just bamboo walls with a thatched roof and one side of the room was just a railing that opened directly out onto the jungle. The food, so good. A hike through the jungle (no stupid incan steps here, thank goodness) and a climb up a 127 foot tower to see out above the tree canopy. Later that night, a dance featuring kids from the nearest local village.
Day 10
Due to a welcome cold front, the weather was a manageable temperature, although all the guides were freezing. Went boating around the lake, wildlife spotting, treks through the jungle, a visit to the local medicine man. I could have spent a couple more days here. But, alas, the next day was time to leave.
Day 11
Now we did the whole trip in reverse. 45 minute boat ride, 45 minute bus ride, short stop to Puerto Maldonado to get the rest of our gear. And then on to the airport. (this airport, by the way, was incredibly dodgy. 2 Gates, 3 check in counters. Security was a joke. There weren't even any proper walls on the building! Although I'm beginning to think that none of the buildings there have proper walls. Makes sense.) 1 hour flight to Cusco, and then 1 1/2 hour to Lima. We had 4 hours of free time in Lima, we had to be at the airport by 10pm. Plane left at 1am. Fly 8 hours to Toronto, clear security, then 5 hours to Calgary, where we arrived at 3:10. Some strange kids ran up to meet me at the airport, they looked vaguely familiar but were way too old to be related to me! Oh wait, no those are my little sisters and brother each about 6 inches taller. Was so good to see them all again. But you get to hear all about that in another post. And now, boring travel journal = check!

PS please excuse any spelling mistakes. I am way to lazy to go back and edit that!!

Peru 1-4

Okay, I just got internet, so here's a blog update. I know, what an addict.

Day 1

Day one was technically the day I (we) traveled. At least thats how everyone else is counting it, so I might as well do the same. By the way, I was freakishly excited to see everyone. Really hyper and bouncing around all over the place. They were.. not so much. We'll just chalk it up to the time differences. Met our tour guide too, Daniel, he's pretty much awesome.

Day 2 - Flying high

Random facts about Lima anyone? Well okay, then. Population- 9 million. The second largest desert city in the world. (any guesses on the first...?) We didn't spend very long there though. Everyone showed up, on time thank goodness, around 12:45 (that's AM people). Then we headed off for a couple hours sleep. The next morning we were back at my favorite place in the world, Lima airport, for our early flight to Cusco. 

Cusco, Peru. Smack in the middle of the Andes, population approx.1 million, elevation 3,400 meters (11,200ft). That's really high, by the way. Especially when you have just come from sea level. On the first day we were all wheezing after walking up two flights of stairs. Yeah, I felt like a fat kid.

So we arrived in Cusco around 11am. We got settled, had a power nap (at this point I was basically walking dead, I had given up trying to figure out how behind I was on sleep) and then went for lunch. Daniel showed us around the city, where to eat, where not to eat, where the best markets are, cool stuff to look at and easily landmarks to look out for so we can orient ourselves if we got lost. Then we went to town, literally. There are beautiful cathedrals, stunning inca walls, cobbled side streets and hundreds of street vendors. It's the inca walls and other ruins that fascinate me the most. Massive stone blocks carved to fit together perfectly without any sort of mortar. It's a beautiful city and it would take at least several days to see everything here. Which is good cause we had the next day there as well.

Day 3 - Chillin out in Cusco

Happy Easter! No way we were going to find and LDS church, but we did go to mass. (by the way, I use the term 'we' loosely. As were were given a lot of time to just do our own thing, we often split up into smaller groups or 2s or 3s. I can't be bothered saying who was with me every time. This time though it was only about 5 of us). I like going to different churches in different cultures. Eye opening. I especially liked the part where every one turned to their neighbor and gave them a hug. They also said something in spanish, I think it was something like "God be with you", I'm not sure, but it would be appropriate. After mass we went and sat down on the steps outside the cathedral. It was nice and sunny and looked like a good place to sit. Turned out to be a good decision cause pretty soon more and more people started coming and sitting too. We waited for a bit to see what was going to happen. Turns out it was a parade! The military and some fancy suit guys showed up. They raised the Peru and the Cusco flag (which funnily enough looks like the gay pride flag) then a bunch of people marching past including people representing the universities, local businesses and also some really neat cultural dancers. 

After the parade, we went and checked out the local markets. Lots of cool stuff there. Just avoid the food market, it doesn't smell very nice and I wouldn't dare eat most of what's there. 

Day 4 - Ollantaytambo and other places I don't remember how to spell or pronounce. 

So day 4 we left Cusco, a place called Ollantaytambo being our final destination. On the way we stopped and climbed to some ruins. We had another guide join us for this portion, but don't worry, Daniel was still around. So Percy showed us around these ruins and taught us a lot about how they lived then. Percy is good, but he does like to talk. Talking's good, but I like to look and explore more so Sarah and I kept wandering off. I don't think he liked us very much. 

Next stop, a small village with an unfamiliar name. Gap (the tour company we are with) has a special deal with this them. They bring tourists to their village (which is quite out of the way, we followed a narrow dirt road barely wider than the bus up and down very steep hills for quite a while) the villagers show us a bit about how they live, more specifically, the textiles they make by hand from the alpaca wool. And we help them out by buying the fabrics they make. These fabrics were absolutely beautiful and it was really neat to see how the whole process works. Spinning, dyeing and weaving all by hand with out a hint of modern-ism in it. 

After that place, we continued on to Ollantaytambo. First off, some more awesome ruins. We climbed up a couple terraces to the top where there was a partially completed temple built. Awe inspiring to see the amazing architecture and skills of those Incas. After we settled into our hotel we had some free time. Wandered around the main plaza then started up a game of hacky-sack. We got some local kids to join in and then that turned into a game of tag. Ended up playing with those kids for a couple hours and then got some photos before it got too dark. It was an awesome day. It's been an awesome 4 days (actually today's day 5 but I'm to tired to tell you what happened today so your going to have to wait a bit)

Words words words...

I can't find the words.

Today I left my beloved New Zealand. There are no words to describe how I'm feeling right now. But I will try. Forgive me if it doesn't make sense. (For those who don't know, my travel plans are thus: Fly out of Auckland and to Santiago, Chile. Layover for a couple hours and onto Lima, Peru where I will wait for seven hours and then meet up with Sarah and a bunch of other people from Cardston. 12 days in Peru and then, finally, on to Canada. Home.)

As we rose higher and higher into the sky and I got farther and farther away from the land that I love, I couldn't help feeling a little sorry for myself. But I knew I had to shake off this pity party so I could enjoy my time in peru. As the plane landed in Santiago, I saw the jagged hills and smallish mountains rising out of the flat lowlands. It reminded me of the jagged hills and smallish mountains I had just left behind in NZ. These ones darastically different though, brown and dry instead of green and fertile. Dotted with scraggly bush instead of sheep and cattle. It was beautiful though, even with all it's dead-ness. Funny thing, this was supposedly the wet season. And indeed, it was raining, but I don't think the ground had realized that yet. Santiago airport in one word- wet. Apparently the roof couldn't handle the wet season very well, cause it was leaking all over the place. We were all dodging buckets and puddles walking down the halls. They even had to relocate our gate twice cause they couldn't keep up with the leaks.
The flight from Santiago to Lima was good. The seat next to me was empty (again! How lucky am I?) We had a beautiful view of the coast for most of the flight. Well, the part of the flight I was awake for, which really was only take off and landing. It hasn't quite sunk in that I am no longer in NZ and am now in Peru.
By the way, I sort of wrote this post in several different pieces, typing a bit here and there as I pick up wi-fi spots. Can you tell? Does it sound disjointed and random? If so, sorry. For the past 6 hours I have been sitting in the Lima airport. Joy. One more hour and then everyone else will get here. One . more .. hour...

So here's a small example of how much I have grown, six and a half months ago when I flew to NZ I wouldn't dare talk to anyone. Not unless I really had to. Now however, I'm different. All it takes is one word to start a conversation. Thanks to that one word I have met some pretty awesome people, that have taught me a lot of cool things. Bits of spanish, the best hot spots, and random tidbits about Peru and Machu pichu. Plus, the time goes a lot faster when you have people to talk to. LIke right now, I'm sitting in starbucks chatting to seven or so other people while using the internet that one of the people just happened to know the password for. Ahhhh, life is pretty good.
And voila, just like that, the hour's gone! Time to go meet the plane!!

(haha, I think it's kinda funny that at the beginning of the post i was having trouble finding the words to say.. well I guess I found them)

I will miss you.

(wrote this a couple days ago, just didn't post it for some reason. oh well, here it is.)

I'm struggling here. Trying to take all the emotions that are swirling around in my head and spit them out in a way that makes sense. Although it sounds complicated in my head, I'm sure you understand. The problem is leaving. It seems to be a common theme these days.

Yesterday, I left temple view. In four days I will leave NZ. 

When I left Cardston, I knew, eventually, I would be coming back. This time, I'm not so sure. While I would like to say you'll be seeing me in little while, I know that's just not true. Reality is setting in, I have a lot of poor, university years ahead of me. Then I will be busy with my family. Which is what I want, really. My future is in Canada now, and I am really excited about everything it will bring.  But the truth is I will not likely be back in NZ for a long time, if ever. It's just not in the cards for me. And as I say goodbye to these many, fabulous people it's hard to accept that, unless through some freak coincidence, I will probably never see them again. People that have meant so much to me the past few months will now only be part of the remember when's and the used to's. The friendships that have grown will now be reduced to occasional comments on photos and status likes.

The last time I left somewhere, I knew I would be back. But leaving here, it's so permanent, so final. When I'm gone, I'm gone. 

I will miss New Zealand. No doubt about that. 

I really should stop blabbing on though, cause it's not helping. But first, some of my favorite things.

I will miss...

... how fruit comes from a tree, not the supermarket.

... the neighbors that bring stuff over all the time.

... the fish 'n chips, sausage sizzles, and the pies.

... how 'feed' is a noun, not a verb.

... how you is pluralized 'yous'.

...  the words 'egg', 'as', and 'gutted'.

... and of course the 'yeah nah's

... the fobs, the fresh as, and the many much mores.

... the diversity.

... how black is matched with black and accessorized by black.

... how blonde hair is an anomaly.

... the colors. Especially green and brown. 

... the bus rides.

... the early morning fog.

... ham sandwiches. 

... singing while working. And not caring who heard.

... roadtrips.
... driving through the gorge.

... and yes, even dodgy bunkbeds.
... the sheep.
... the rooster that crowed every morning.

... the rain. 

... the hugs and kisses.

... the testimonies in maori.

... the sweet tears shed.

... our relief society.

... the quiet moments at the temple.

... those that truly have gigantic hearts.

... acceptance. They love you, no matter who you are, what you look like or what you wear. 

I couldn't help it

I am having difficulties putting all my feelings down in words. What with leaving NZ in 3 days, traveling to Peru and then going back home for the first time in 7 months, there is a lot going on in my brain. I have written several posts. They all ended up being the size of a Charles Dickens novel and made even less sense. So I deleted them. And now I'm doing this cause it's cute and doesn't require me to address those troubling emotions.


Age: 19

Bed size: depends on where I am and what is available

Chore you hate: packing. Is that considered a chore? Well it is for me, as I am currently living out of suitcases

Dogs: Love them. Grew up with Jessie, Loosie, Kelly and Gracie. Will have even more when I have my own place.

Favorite color: blue and green, so turquoise

Gold or silver: gold... and silver.

Height: 5'9 &3/4

Instruments I play (or have played): Piano, organ, flute

Job title: currently unemployed

Kids: none

Live: yes I live. oh you want to know where? It varies.

Mom's name: Shelley

Nickname: brit, bb, b, or kiwi

Overnight hospital stays: None so far, let's keep it that way

Pet peeve: bad cell phone coverage

Quote from a movie: "you have beautiful eyes." "get off my face"

Right or left handed: Right

Siblings: 6 kids, I'm the 2nd

Time you wake up: also varies. 

Underwear: I'm not sure I understand this one. yes, I am wearing underwear?

Vegetables you dislike: ummm I honestly can't think of any. Actually I have never had brussel sprouts, but I've heard they are gross.

What makes you run late: Hahaha what doesn't? Pretty sure I've used every single excuse out there.

X-rays you've had done: Teeth, ribs.

Yummy food you make: chocolate pudding

Zoo animal: monkeys


okay enough procrastinating. It's time to address the shocking state of my suitcases.

More Epic-ness

Two posts in one day? I think so. Mostly cause my epic fail of a morning turned into something legendary.

There will be pictures to come, as soon as I find someone with a scanner. (Nana??)

So around 11:45 Brock, Brook and I headed up to Auckland. (Awesome people by the way.) We were going bungy jumping!!! I was in charge of booking and all that technical stuff and silly me, didn't get proper directions there! I figured it would be relitively easy to find. You know, just head towards that MASSIVE bridge structure?  Apparently not. But thats okay. We found it eventually. And had the bonus of driving over the bridge twice (that moterway really sucks you in) 

So we payed, harnessed up, took photos and maybe screamed a little bit and then set off. We walked up the bridge to this little 'pod thing' where the whole group waited and watched as people leapt to their death. Brock was second. He did great. I was 5th or 6th? I don't know. I stopped counting. I may or may not have been having a major freak out. When it was my turn, the guide person thingy had to tell me to do everything twice. The hardest part is jumping, the falling part is pretty sweet. And I would DEFINITELY do it again. I would tell you more, buuuut I need to sleep and I will post the video soon so that will be heaps better!

But before I go, the second half of my day. 

Raced back from Auckland to meet up with Jaz and Ruth and some friends of theirs from US (all very awesome people also!) We were going on a night time kayak trip. Ever kayaked in the dark? It's awesome. And it was a beautiful night. The water was so calm, the stars were so bright, it was nice and warm. Seriously, one of the most beautiful nights I have ever seen. It made me miss echo and the peaceful nights sitting out on the dock and staring out at the stars, or our early morning kayak paddles... Anyways, the best part about that trip was when we went through this little gorge/tunnel/cliff thing. We turned off our lights and floated down and there were little glow worms all over the place!! It was so beautiful!

What a great day. And tomorrow, The Hamilton Gardens! Finally!

Oh wait, one more thing: I ran out of memory on my camera, so I put my other card in. The one that I haven't had to use for ages cause I am usually pretty good at uploading my pics straight away. Anyways, when I put the second memory card in I found out it was also full! With pictures from almost 2 years ago!! It was crazy, I had totally forgotten about those pics! But they certainly did bring back a lot of memories!

This morning = epic fail.

This morning I had planned to go on an early morning run, do some laundry, clean up a bit, continue my scholarship research, and do a bit more packing. All before 11am. That was the plan.

What actually happened: I slept in till 9, ate breakfast, skyped sarah, facebooked, and blogged. There was no packing, cleaning, scholarship researching or laundry-ing. I fail. 

BUT there was one thing I did do. I called up 0800 BUNGY JUMP and arranged for my death at 1:30 today. If you are in Cardston or Utah, the time change would make it 6:30. So think of me as you are sitting down for dinner, send a prayer my way. It would be appreciated.

Don't freak out.

Yeah, it's a bit different. Things are changing a bit around here. Right now, I am loving the color green. Green every where outside, green shirt today, I bought a really cool green stone necklace yesterday, and now.. green on my blog! While I'm on the subject check out this song by Brendan James--> green. Love it.
PS: I'm also loving that back ground picture. hmmm I wonder who that fabulous photographer was...

Okay now I've got to get back to work. So much to do, so little time (9 days, gulp). And now I've just wasted 30 minutes trying to decide between #132600 and #132609.

Two things I love(d) about my (ex) job

The people. The people I worked with are seriously some of the best people ever. Which is pretty amazing when you consider the kind of people they are. None of them are members. Standards are not only non-existent but completely unheard of. In every single aspect I was in the minority there. It was challenging to say the least. When I first realized how many great missionary opportunities this could possibly bring, I couldn't help thinking that that was what I was there for. Perhaps the He put me in this job, so I could help someone find the gospel. Did I? Well, I did my best. I set a good example, I was very open about my religion and didn't try and hide the fact that I would not drink or smoke. But at times I wondered if anyone even noticed. I didn't bring anyone to church. I didn't get anyone to start taking the discussions. None of them were baptized. So what was I there for?
To be honest, I don't really know. And I don't think I ever will fully understand.
But,
I did have a beautiful experience, when I was able to testify of His eternal plan of happiness to someone who was feeling completely lost and alone. I was able to comfort someone by sharing what I have been so blessed to know my whole life. 

I was able be an instrument in His hands. 

 I didn't bring anyone to church. I didn't get anyone to start taking the discussions. None of them were baptized.
Yet. 

Maybe, hopefully, when the missionaries knock on their door, they will remember a girl they once knew. A mormon girl, different, but happy, so so happy, and just plain good. And maybe, hopefully, they will let those missionaries in. They will let the spirit in. They will let Christ in.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the 2nd thing..

The (other) people.  The most important ones, the customers. Like I have already said, I talk to a lot of people each day. The first 4 months in NZ was awesome, but if you really want to get to know about a place, talk to the people. Spend all your time sitting outside supermarkets, hardware stores and warehouses (a store that is similiar to wal-mart for those who are wondering) and you get a really good feel a country. For example people in Gisborne are so awesome. So layed back, mostly quite poor, but very generous, and every other person is either stoned or drunk, no matter what time of day it is. Hilarious. I have had a lot of really funny conversations. And met a lot of rude people. But you learn to laugh at both. For example...

Me, "Before you head past, help out our Surf Life Savers?" 

(these are the various responses I get)

Them, "Oh yup, I always help them out." and then they walk away. Okaaaaay, thank you. very much.

Them, "Can you watch my bike?" Yeah sure. Can you buy a pin? No? oh okay then. Don't come after me then if some little punk runs off with your bike.

Them, "Haha I'm trying to save my own life!" ha. 10 points for originality. I've only heard that one 6 times today. 

The best is the nervous laugh, I translate it into "haha oh snap she caught me looking and now she's asking me if I want to stop and I don't know what to say to her because I totally wasn't expecting her to talk to me and now I'm really nervous and don't know what to say.ha.haha oh quickly walk away" Funny. 

Or even better is the prolonged aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh as they quickly walk through the door. No answer required. Excellent.

Them, "I got one last week" And the person walking behind them, "Oh yeah, me too." Yeah, right.

"Oh I already do help them out, my great uncle's step brother's cousin's neices son is a life guard. Right, hunny, that's what timmy does out on the beach right?

Them, "Oh yeah, I'll come back later." Suuuure you will.
Really people, if you don't want to, a simple 'no thanks' would suffice. There's no need to lie and make up dumb excuses. Like..
A middle aged man walking past, "No thanks, I'm late for my photo shoot." True? false? Who cares.

Some random girl asks me, "Did my sister come in this morning? She looks kinda like me..." Yes. Because I remember every single one of the 300 people that have walked in those doors.

An old-ish man, "haha, can't stop and talk, I went out without my teeth!" at least I'm pretty sure thats what he said. It was a little hard to understand.
A guy with a massive bushy white beard, "I'm already a life saver.... In the dark. I'll save anyone out there, I don't need no fancy uniform. And I know how to do mouth to mouth. Yup, I'm the lifesaver in the dark. Like if batman was a lifeguard, he would be me." If I'm ever drowning, I really hope you are not around.

Sometimes I just feel like yelling at them, "If you are not wearing one of these stupid, overpriced pins made in china, the Life Savers WILL NOT SAVE YOU!! They will leave you out there to drown!! So you better make sure you have one of these pins! Oh yeah, you want to give me $100 now huh? I thought so! How much do you value your life? Your son's? Your daughters?? Just buy the stupid pins!! pleeeease.

Sigh. But I don't. I don't say any of that. Why? Cause customer service comes first. Because, no matter what, we can not offend the customer, because every customer must leave with a smile.

By the way, guys. This is a classic example of a negative attitude.We try to avoid that at all costs while working. Which is why I am posting it today, they day I officially quit work. 

But really, it's funny. Did you find it funny? I did. Maybe it is one of those 'you had to be there things'. But I was gigling the whole time I was writing, just as I remembered each experience. Cause that is one thing that this job taught me. Just laugh it off.  Yeah, that guy was a jerk to you, yes that lady accused you of being a fraud, yes you will probably get ignored and rained on and all your stuff might blow away. But you just need to forget about that. Remember the old guy with no teeth. Remember the drunk that sang to you. Remember that guy who walked around with his cat sitting on his head. Remember the funny things, the positive things. Cause at the end of the day, you just gotta laugh it off. 

ha. haha. hahahaha ha.

 See, better now, right?

You might notice

From here on out, you might notice a difference in my writing. You see, lately I have been reading these fantastic blogs. When these people write they boldly, confidently express their testimony. They love the Lord and the gospel, and that is evident in every word, every post that they write. This, combined with experiences that I have had in the last couple weeks have convinced me that I need to change. Don't worry, I won't be preaching in every post. But I will not try and hide my testimony anymore. I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter day Saints. I love it. I love the gospel. And I will never try and hide that fact again. I will still post funny experiences. I will still tell about the fantastic places I go and the people I meet. I will still write about my epiphanies and my blonde moments. But don't be surprised if I weave a gospel principle in here and there. So what do you have to look forward to? Well a couple fantastic posts are coming up, first a post about how I was able to share the gospel and of course, what I gained from general conference. And if you are reading this and are not a member of the church, don't worry, I am going to add a button linking you to a site you can check out. And also a page with my own testimony and my beliefs on. In fact, I'm thinking about changing my whole blog around. It's time for a change.

bullets

Gisborne. G-town. Gissy. East as. First to see the sun.

That's where I was all this week. Don't get to excited, it was for work. But you can get excited over this.... It was my LAST week of work!!!! Today was my last day of work. The fact that I still have to go to the office monday doesn't count cause that's just to sign papers, hand stuff in, and make my boss give me all the money he owes me!!

(Please forgive me if this post is all over the place. Thats what my mind is doing right now. I will use bullets in an attempt to separate all the random thoughts)

• All in all, it was a good week. My last week. Last day. Ooops, did I already mention this? Passed all my criteria to get into a leadership position...except for the fact I won't be sticking around to lead anyone. Hit my target. Rang the bell, Smashed the gong. Reached two-five. Whammy. Pow. (don't ask) 
• You know the feeling when you finally figure out why? When you finally understand why you were put where you are. Why you had to be there. When you begin to get a small understanding of your purpose in life. When all the things that have happened in the past finally make sense? Yeah, that feeling. I love. I may talk more about this in another post. Maybe.

• The guys at work all thought I was at least 23. Very funny. I had to whip out my drivers license (yes the one that I got when I was 16 and still had braces on in) before they believed I was 19.
• This week I had a small huge wake up call. I'm still trying to figure out if it's a good thing or not. Not sure how to write about it though. Basically, I opened my eyes. I had a good look at where I am. Not physically, but mentally, spiritually and all the other things that aren't really tangible. I realized how much I have grown, how much I have changed.  And it got me thinking, how am I going to adjust to life back at home? Am I different? For sure. Am I a different person? I hope not. Or do I? I don't know. All I know is that I have changed, grown, and I don't know if I will fit back into where I came from.
• The place we stayed at had free internet. For one day. The rest of the week it was broken. Pretty upsetting.
• The thing I looked forward to most about getting back from Gissy... my computer. internet. emails. facebook. and blogs. So that was the first thing I did. 
• The best part. Settling down with my dinner of cheese and crackers and reading everyones blog posts of the last week. Even better, it took a good two hours. Haha, I am almost as bad as you, Janeen!
• I was able to direct someone around Hamilton tonight. Did you hear that? Me, giving directions! I haven't done that since I worked at reddi mart and people would come in and ask how to get the the hockey rink! It feels good to know where I am and how to get to where I need to be. Pity I'm going to be leaving soon.
• On monday I will officially quit work. Oh wait, I already covered that point :)

Stupid little heart

Here's a thought that I have been thinking about lately but for some reason have never really thought about before...
Heart vs mind.
When your making a decision, who has the final call? Do you always go after each and every fancy your heart takes on? or do you analyze every aspect and then make a careful, informed decision based on facts?
What do I do? Well I have quite recently figured it out. And I'm going to have to say, I am not very pleased with myself.
Usually, my stubborn little heart gets fixated upon something. Sometimes, if it is being a good little heart, it asks the brain it's opinion. But very rarely does the heart actually listen to the brain's opinion. More often than not it just ignores it. But most of the time, the heart avoids asking at all costs. The heart is scared of what the brain will say. The heart is scared that if it asks the brain, the brain will say no. Not only that, but the heart is scared that the brain will be right. Stupid little heart.
For example, right now I really should be compiling a pros/cons list about the 3 different schools I am trying to decide on. I cleaned my room, vacuumed, washed the dishes, did laundry, and dusted. and now, I'm blogging/facebooking/listening to music. aka. wasting time. But still have not done that list.
And so here's another thought.
Time.
20 days.
I wish it was sooner. It's so far away! But now that I think about it, I have SO much to do!!
Now I just have to get to work and do it.
Stupid little heart, just be quiet.