Just do the dishes

First off. What was the thing I was most worried about with returning home? Fitting back in. Returning back to my old life, meshing my new self with my old surroundings. How would people treat me. Would I get along with my family? Would I drive my parents crazy? Would they drive me crazy? Looking back, I realize how foolish all that worry was.
I should have known.
I should have realized that my family is my family, no matter what. Home will always be home. No matter where I go. My parents are my wonderful, loving, faithful parents and boy are they ever amazing! Long story short. Coming back home is like putting back on your old favorite shoes. They fit just like you remember them. They are so comfortable and natural that pretty quickly you forget completely about them. A friend summed it up nicely when he said, "It's weird how normal this is." For a couple weeks before and the whole plane ride over I was bracing myself for my return. I was expecting it to be challenging, in the least. Possibly even awkward after being away for so long. But was the complete opposite. It was easy! In fact, too easy. And that is where my challenge came.
While I was away, I was alone. I may have been surrounded by people but when it really came down to it, all I had was myself and of course, the Lord. And it was during those months alone that I grew the strongest. When I came home, I was all of a sudden back in the setting where I could rely on people again. My parents, grandparents, friends, I was surrounded by people who loved me, cared for me and were willing to do anything for me. As wonderful as this was, I could feel myself slipping. Within the first few weeks I was beginning to rely on these people more and on myself and the Lord less. Scripture study and prayer which had become automatic, my life line, my strength were already beginning to loose importance to me. I was becoming complacent, lazy. Really, it was all too easy. Where were my challenges? The trials I had been expecting? Everything I had learned while I was away I was slowly forgetting. It's funny how much you can change, and it's funnier how in such a short time you can go right back to where you started from.
It only took a week or so till the novelty of being back wore off. Then the misery set in. Outside, I smiled. To the strangers and golfers and acquaintances I smiled and nodded and told them how wonderful NZ was and yes, how I was enjoying being home. I told them all what they were expecting to hear, but if anyone looked any deeper they would see how close I was to breaking down. I was miserable, I didn't want to be there. I missed NZ, and it killed me to think of everyone and everything I had left behind there. And even worse, knowing how unlikely it was that I would be going back.
All the assurances I had received, how Canada was really the right place for me, this was where I belonged, where my future was. I forgot about that. I completely forgot and was beginning to doubt everything that I once accepted as fact. Regret. That ugly word that I try so hard to avoid. Could it be possible it was creeping into my life?
I was loosing it, and I couldn't see anyway out.

But if you noticed, that was all written in past tense. I have been home for almost a month now. And while I am still struggling I have recently remembered something that changes everything. You might remember this post. Actually, you probably won't, that was ages ago. Infact it took me a couple minutes of digging before I could find it. There was one point on there that I have always remembered and tried to live by. If you don't feel like following the link, here's the important part...

If you ever find yourself staying at someone else's house and you don't feel completely comfortable just cause you feel awkward and are not sure what's going on- do the dishes. Seriously. Or help make dinner, or just clean something. Soon you will know how the house runs, where all the dishes go and will feel much more comfortable. And they will love you cause you are cleaning up.

While in NZ I lived by this philosophy. I especially tried to do everthing I could for those wonderful people who opened up their homes, hearts, and lives to me. But I have found that it translates into just about everything in life. Service. It is the key to it all! When life is getting tough, I guarentee someone else is having a tougher time. When you are bieng weighed down by your own problems and troubles, try helping someone else out. Instead of focusing on me, me, me look around! In your prayers remember those who need help. Pretty quick your problems will seem so much smaller, so much more managable. JUST DO THE DISHES!

I love it here, I really do. I am learning to see the beauty in this dry, flat country. I am learning to accept everyone here for who they are and love them for it. I am learning that, like many other things in this town, the challenges don't always hit you right away. It's sneakier than that. Satan comes up behind you and slowly grabs you, rather than slapping you in your face. My time in Cardston will be challenging in ways I can't predict. But in the end, I will gain so much from it. The problems are unique, but the solution is always the same. Scriptures and prayers. Hold onto that rod like your life depends on it, cause it does. Remember who you are, where you came from, and where you've been. Don't slip backwards, keep moving forward, cause there's something even greater coming up.