Tangi (day 1)

Well this can't be delayed any longer or else it will only get worse. I am really behind on blogging. I love it, but I am kinda a perfectionist so sometimes it takes up a long time. You might have noticed that I have been gone for a couple days? 6 days to be exact. Here's what been going on.
On tuesday the 22 my great aunty's sisters daughter Melanie (or just aunty mel) passed away after a long battle with cancer. It was a really sad especially since she was only 42 and left behind a husband and fve daughters. I had never met her before and technically we weren't even related. But I had gotten to know her oldest daughter, Aniwa, in the last couple weeks as she was living with here too. Either way I wanted to go to the funeral. One, because I wanted to support my Aunty Hine, Aniwa and her family and Two because I had never attended a maori funeral before and knew it would be a fantastic experience. And oh boy, was it ever!
First, a few things you should know...
A maori funeral, also called tangi (which means to cry, weep, or mourn), is a week long affair. They believe that after a person dies their sprit will stay around for three days. For this reason the often refer to the person as if they are still alive and don't use the past tense. Like 'she is over there, sitting with Mel.' or 'Mel loves this song', instead of 'Mel loved this song'
Also, for those three days, the body is never left alone. 24 hours a day, for those three days, there is always at least one person sitting with them. Yes, even at night. I will talk about that later.
Everyone goes to the tangi. Most of the very large extended family was there for the whole week. For those who couldn't get that much time off work they came for one day. But there was always a group of about 50-60 people there. I loved seeing the togetherness of this family. It was great how they all came together and supported each other during this difficult time.
Koha is a monetary donation given to the family. Everyone that comes will give something and it is through this that most of the funeral expenses are paid. I thought this was a fantastic idea, as funerals can be really expensive.
I have so much to say and so much to write and I think the best way to make sure I cover everything is one day at a time. So here we go..

Tangi Day 1

We got the news that Mel had died Tuesday at one in the morning. We had been expecting it for a a couple weeks now, so everything that could be prepared before was done. Namely the korowia (a ceremonial cloak that is used to cover the coffin) and the herekeki putti putti or flax flowers. I was lucky enough to be able to help Aunty Hine and Robyn make both.
Tuesday morning we started baking, cupcakes, muffins, cakes, and pudding. We took all of these to the marae (more later on that). They would be eaten by everyone there for snacks, desserts, or even breakfast. All the other food was supplied by the tribe or from the koha (also more later).
We spent most of the day baking and packing and left Hamilton at about 6pm. Mel and a whole troop of family (about 20 of them) were in Australia and would be landing in Auckland at various times throughout the night. We were very blessed because there is a marae in Auckland right next to the airport, built especially for this purpose.
A marae will generally consist of three main buildings. The whare kai, or the food hall. The whare paku, or the toilets. And the main whare, where sleeping and everything else happens. The whare consists of one large rectangular room with some chairs and mattresses in it. 

The marae at Tologa Bay

When we got there at 9pm we set up all the mattresses side by side along the two walls. That is where everybody slept. and by everybody I mean about 50 people including several snoring uncles, a couple chatty aunties, lots of hyper, over tired kids, and a few crying babies. Needless to say, I didn't get much sleep that night. After the beds were set up we sat and waited for all the aussies to arrive, a group of about 25 people. Because they did not all come on the same plane they arrived in several smaller groups, the last to arrive being the group with aunty Mel. 
Every time someone arrived at the marae they was a welcoming on ceremony. It went something like this.
There are two groups, the ones that are welcoming on and the ones that are being welcomed. Each group has a designated speaker. Our speaker talks and then our group sings, and then their group talks and sings. And then we talk and sing again, and then they talk and sing. And it was all in maori. Then we form two lines and we go down the line kissing and hugging everyone (yes, everyone). This is repeated every time someone comes to the marae. Talk sing, talk sing, talk sing, kiss hug. And people kept arriving all through the night. Thankfully because everyone was so tired the talks were kept relatively short and the welcoming on usually didn't last more than half an hour. Still there was people constantly coming and going and so much was going on that no one got more than a couple hours of sleep that night. And it is at this point that day 1 starts blurring into day 2.

Flashback

It's seminary graduation and we are sharing our testimonies. Karson Kartchner stands up and talks about being 'tight like unto a dish'. Although it was a crack up at the time, and was something no one ever expected from Karson, it has always rung true for me. 'In the world, but not of the world.' We may be surrounded on all sides by filth and temptations, but we can't let it get to us. I understand now what that means. I have been taught what is good and true, and I will stick to what I know is right. I will not compromise my standards. Not for a friend, not for a cousin, not for anyone or anything. I simply cannot. 

nothing much

This is a crack up. I love it. And it also describes my life as of late. (No please don't think I have been sitting around with a bunch of guys drinking L&P. It's not quite that nothing much) But just because it is nothing much, doesn't mean it is nothing. There have not been any marvelous, spectacular, or stupendous experiences lately. But something has definitely happened. Actually, it's more like somethings. As in lots of small things. And when you put all the small things together, it results in something pretty awesome. Because, you see, everything is a learning experience here. Learning about this place, the culture, how people live, act, and interact with each other. And learning about myself. My strengths, weaknesses, ways I can improve. Testing and stretching myself. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone. Just absorbing the whole feeling of this place. Yes, I am still getting used to it.
Long walks. Beautiful scenery. Learning to drive again. Meeting new people. Making new friends. Making phone calls. Trying to match all the names to the faces. Spending large amounts of time holding the cutest baby ever. Answering an endless amount of 'what is it like/do you do this/does it really snow lots/do you know so-and-so in Canada?' questions. Listening to the birds. Admiring the trees. Smelling the flowers.

Sometimes it's good to slow down and just experience what is around you.

Before I left Cardston someone said to me that I shouldn't spend to much time in nz. I should go for a short visit and hurry back so I can get my education started. I couldn't believe it. Education? yeah it's great and everything, but there are some lessons you can't learn from books.

The best education comes from life.

 I have learned more useful information in the last month and a half than I did in an entire year of school.

So what have I been doing lately? 

Nothing much.

 But that has taught me everything

Lately . . .

I have left my comfort zone

 I have listened

 I have relaxed

I have been trying to eat healthy. and exercise more often

 I have stood taller

I have observed

 I have helped more

 I haven't been homesick

 I have learned that I am strong enough

 I have grown up a bit

 I have realized how much more growing I still need to do

What's for dinner?

When I first came here I promised myself that I would try a little bit of everything. No matter what. And so far, I have. Already I have eaten things that I never thought I would. I have discovered new, delicious things, discovered some not-so-delicious things, and discovered that I am actually braver than I thought when it comes to new food. Today that little promise was tested to the max. So, what's for dinner??

Aunty had just finished lamenting the fact that they had guests coming over for dinner and she had nothing to feed them but sausages when the neighbor walked in with these hideous orange creatures that were all claws and legs and asks if we want them. Aunty practically jumps up and down with excitement, "Oh yum, of course we do!" (Yum? As in, we're going to eat them? Uh oh. Wait, what are these things? Crayfish, I later find out) Unfortunately Aunty and Uncle were just heading out the door for the temple so they dumped the crayfish in a sink full of water (apparently they drown in fresh water) and put a board overtop of them so they couldn't escape. Then they took off and left me all alone with the crayfish. I was definitely a little traumatized as I sat there and watched those hideous monsters die. And I may or may not have screamed a little bit when they started thrashing around. Then I had an awful thought. What was I going to do if they somehow escaped??? I mean these creatures were thrashing around all over the place. There was no way that little board was going to stop them. And there was no way I was going to touch them and put them back in the sink if they did get out. So I pulled out all the big pots and  pans and put them on top of the board. That fixed it.

Eventually the weeping, wailing and gnashing of the teeth stopped and I figured the poor creatures were finally dead. I still could not bring myself to touch them though. So they stayed in the sin. And so did the board and all the pots and pans. Just in case. I went out for a couple hours and I when I came back the house smelled like seafood. Aunty had cooked the crayfish (I am so glad I missed out on that part) and they were sitting so innocently in the dish. I got a picture just before we dug in. 

How did it taste? Well, once Aunty had snapped them in half and extracted all the meat, it honestly looked a lot like chicken. And it kinda tasted like chicken too. Sweet, tender, chickeny with just a twang of seafoodishness. I think I might just eat it again. As long as I don't have too catch it, watch it die, cook it, or cut it in half, I might actually enjoy it. 

I would really like to say that the dinner experience ended there, but sadly, that's not even half of it. You see, the same neighbor who so  kindly brought over the crayfish for us also brought us something else. Paua. My only other experience with paua was the jewelry that is made out of the pretty shell. I had no idea that you could actually eat it. For those who don't know, paua has a hard shell, shiny on the inside, with a big black rubber thing inside that is actually edible. Today's special: Cut in strips and fried with butter. To be frankly honest, it was disgusting. It was like eating an old, moldy boot. It had the consistency of slimy rubber so you couldn't just swallow it and get rid of it, you had to chew it several times first. But yours truly didn't just have one bite. I didn't even have just one piece. Three pieces, 10 bites in total. I am a trooper. And I'm still trying to get the taste out of my mouth.

ps. This was 3 days ago. The sink still smells like crayfish. And I think the paua did something funny to my digestive system.

Underdressed vs Overdressed

I have been meaning to post this for a couple days but, I haven't. To be honest, I took a break from the computer for a while. Why? I don't know. I just didn't feel like turning it on. Oh well. I'm back. You should probably brace yourself for an overwhelming number of posts.

I wasn't going to write about this, but after telling Mum and Dad this story and seeing them bust a gut, I figured I should. Do you remember how I went to a funeral last week? Well, this is the before the funeral story.

Uncle George knocked on my door early in the morning and tells me to get up and get ready cause we are going somewhere. When I asked where he said it was a fantastic surprise, but I would never regret going. So I got dressed in jeans and a hoodie and went outside. When I question him again as to where we were going he finally told me that we were going to a funeral. I said "Well why didn't you say so in the first place, I will go change into something more appropriate" (like a black dress) Uncle says "Nope, you can wear that, your fine." I started laughing and then turned to go change, then I realized that he was actually serious! "Honestly? You want me to go to a funeral dressed in a hoodie and jeans??" He considered that for a moment and then decided that it wasn't really appropriate after all. In fact, it was totally wrong. More specifically he said it was too 'blue'.(Too blue??) "Take off your sweater" he orders. I oblige and reveal my white t-shirt underneath. Hmm no, that wasn't right either, it's too 'white'. "Oh, I know!" he says and grabs one of his own black, collared shirts. "Put this on!" (What?! Hmm, okay then) When I put the too large shirt on he exclaims that it is perfect! Add a pair of ray bans to it (also Uncle G's) and I am ready to go! I stood there in stunned silence for a few seconds. Surely he didn't expect me to go to a funeral dressed like I just came off the beach!?! I argued and refused, but he would not let me go change. His final words which at last convinced me to get in the car were "You stupid canadian, what do you know?! This is New Zealand! We are not civilized here, YOU ARE DESCENDED FROM CANNIBALS!!"
The best part though, once we got to the funeral I realized that I was actually a little overdressed!

I was going to include a self portrait but I hate self portraits. and none of the ones I took turned out. and it's talking forever to upload. But you can imagine what I looked like right? Jeans, white shirt, big baggy black shirt ever everything and the glasses of course. kinda like a crazy, uncivilized, cannibal kiwi.

I smell smoke. and lemons.

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!! Are you wondering what the heck is guy fawkes day? Just in case, here's a quick run down... Once upon a time, long ago there was a man named guy fawkes. So our buddy pal Guy got together with some friends and they decided that it would be a good idea to blow up parliament and all the big important hot shots inside. Sounds fun, right? Well... It didn't work. Guy was discovered sitting in the basement with several kegs of gunpowder and a match. Apparently attempting mass murder on your country's political leaders is considered a traitorist act (I know, weird huh?) so our very own mister Fawkes was sentenced to be hung, drawn and quartered. I haven't experienced it for myself but I have heard thats a pretty painful way to go. (But I am a little confused with this method of death, what is the point of the drawing and quartering if you have already been hung? By the time you were quartered wouldn't you be dead and, well you know, not feel your body being ripped into pieces?) Anyhow, Guy didn't agree with that idea, so he chose door number 2. While walking across the platform that he was going to be hung from he suddenly leaped off and plunged to his death. What a guy. (hehe, get it? Guy?)
Now, in modern days, we celebrate this particularly useless individual's failure and death by lighting fires and blowing stuff up. Down here in the View (that is Temple View, Hamilton) we mostly just blow up stuff, and each other. Yeah, thats what I said, each other. Here's what happens. Everyone goes out and buys fireworks and then they all go down to the park and shoot them at each other. It's a full out fireworks war. Sounds awesome doesn't it? Also a little dangerous. Don't worry. I escaped with minimal injuries. And just incase you find yourself in Temple View on Guy Fawkes night, I picked up some tips for you, listen to these and you will most likely stay alive. I can't guarantee that you won't get a little singed though
1. Wear black and good running shoes
2. Always keep a lighter on you
3. Ration your fireworks
4. Don't stand in the open
5. Don't stand in too big of a group, they are often targeted
6. But.. Don't go anywhere by yourself. Loners are also targeted
7. Stay away from the houses, they will call the cops 
8. Watch out for cars, drive by shootings are the favorite of anyone who has a license 
9. Pick your fights carefully. Some people go all out and have an endless supply of ammo. Don't bug them cause they will win
10. Before the fight, gather a bunch of lemons

What?! Lemons? Yeah, lemons. They are handy when you run out of fireworks. And they are in big supply as there is a lemon tree in almost every yard. 
Yup, when life gives you lemons, throw them at people.


All in all, a great night. Probably the best guy fawkes day I have ever seen. And I have the burns and singes to prove it.


And the day after? Bribe the little kids to pick up all the firework rubbish. Leave the lemons, they will wash away with the next rain, which will probably be tomorrow.

'Remember, remember the fifth of November..'

Okay :)

I had a great experience today. I want to tell you about it, but am a little hesitant because I don't want to destroy the sacredness of it for the other people that were involved. But it was a big eye opener to me so I guess I will share a bit.
Today I went to a funeral. A cousin of mine whom I have never met before passed away this week. Robin and Uncle George were planning on going and so invited me to come. I went because I thought the experience would be really amazing.. and it was. So after I was finally dressed properly (which is a whole other story) we set of. I was a little nervous having never attended a maori funeral before and wasn't sure what to expect. Afterwards though I realized that there really was nothing to be nervous of. Some things that stuck out for me...?
The location. The funeral was actually held in front of the home which was way out in the country. There were benches and chairs set out and those who didn't have a seat sat in the shade under the trees. All around us was beautiful green farmland and hills. I liked how you could hear the sheep baaa-ing occasionally.
Music. Maoris love their music. And many have a natural affinity for it.
Love. So many people turned up. Family, members of the community, and old friends. There was a lot of love and support. People linking arms and physically, as well as emotionally, supporting each other. When someone would stand up to speak, often their husband, wife, brother, sister, etc., was standing there with them. With their arms around each other,and hands clasped together they would be strong enough to face it.
Family. Did you know I have an enormous family? I met cousins today that I have never heard of before. I am grateful for the opportunity now to meet them all. I think we are going to be great friends. Also, the physical resemblance between Grammy and her sisters, I was not expecting that, it blew me away!
I am glad I was able to go today. It may sound weird, saying that about a funeral, but it is the truth. Today I learned much, I grew, I experienced, and I felt. It was a good day. I am thankful for the family, my family actually, for allowing me to share today with them.

One more thought: Can you imagine what it would be like to bury your loved one without knowing about life after death? I can't. One more reason I am so grateful for the gospel.

I miss you girls

I miss the times when we would just laugh and laugh and laugh
I haven't laughed like that for a long time. In fact, my laughs feel forced a lot lately
I miss the chick flicks
I miss your hugs
I miss the late night talks
I miss how you would always understand how I felt
You would understand how I feel right now wouldn't you? Cause you always do
I miss how often we would take the words out of each others mouths
I miss all the inside jokes
I miss how sometimes all it would take was a look to make us laugh
I miss how you could calm me down when I felt like my head was about to explode
I miss how we were all so comfortable with each other
I miss those ridiculous games we made up
I miss how my life could be so messed up, but you could make sense of it all
I miss being with you, even if we were doing nothing
I miss seeing you everyday
I miss you

Will I ever find friends as amazing as you were? Will I be able to tell them my thoughts, everything? Will I be able to cry on their shoulders like I cried on yours? Will I be forget the world when I am with them? Will they understand me like you do? Will it ever be the same again?
I hope I will be able to find some friends that are as amazing as you are. I doubt I will, but I really wish I could. And I hope you will find some good friends too. Because as much as I hate to admit it, it will never be the same again. I will do my best, and I know you will too, but the truth is, we are moving apart and we won't always be able to be there for each other. So now what?
Sorry if I'm not making much sense. I guess what I am trying to say is... I really could go for a girls night right
now.